giving thanks.

Yesterday, I did one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. I had to have my friend and kitty, Hepcat, put to sleep. He was very sick very quickly, and there was no guarantee that he would ever get well - if I had kept him alive he would pretty much spend the rest of his life hospitalized and on machines, and I'm sure that would not be the life he would want, and definitely would not be the way that he would want to spend the holidays. However, I feel like I made the right decision. Rough as it was, at least he is no longer in any pain. =(

It puts a damper on my holiday, I will admit. I'm happy to be home with my family (including Psycho Kitty and my darling corgi, Crystal) though, because it makes me feel a little better and a lot less alone.

I love Thanksgiving. This past year, especially, I have been thinking a lot about gratitude and using it to become a better person. I love that this holiday (though rooted in the pillage of the natives..) celebrates the idea of gratitude, and for that reason, I make a list of things I am grateful for.

Today, I am grateful for....

My family, my dog, our new home. My roommates, and our home. That I can go to school and study what I truly love. My friends who have stuck by me thus far. Apple pie. Turkey. Breakfast with my parents. Being able to legitimately celebrate Christmas. Baking. The free mascara I got from my ULTA rewards card. Did I mention my family? Or my dog? CRYSTAL! The white daisies my mom bought to cheer me up. Oh, my family!!

=) give thanks. and love.

I am the luckiest.

Life is good. In all, in general, and always, life is good.

Money is hard, school is hard, life is good.

I spent last night trying to rig bags of blood to explode inside a man's dress shirt and attempting to make fake daggers, tonight I'm reading The Caucasian Chalk Circle, tomorrow I'm doing a show for children in the morning and then camping out and analyzing a play for my last directing scene here at Columbus State (whoa.), this past weekend, I got to induct new members into Alpha Psi Omega! In a few weeks, I'll get to go home and see my family. And soon, I'll be working on a show that is a creation basically out of my own mind... how amazing is that?

Some days, I love what I do so much I could just cry with gratitude that I'm able to do it.

Yeah, life is pretty fucking awesome.

Other things? Janine and I seriously cleaned the apartment earlier, so now I feel like real people live in it again. I miss Brian being in my life for real... I'm getting to be a much better knitter than I used to be. I'm actually ninety years old, I swear to goodness. My birthday is in less than a month! (I'm actually only turning 22... wait. What? I'm turning fucking twenty two?! How'd I get so fucking old?!) I plan on celebrating it with a midnight picnic and sparkly lights and delicious food =) Or with a party. Either way, there has to be lots of glitter and big curly hair. =) I just wanna celebrate while I can... before I really do get old.

Recently, I just feel like a lot of things have been falling into place pretty easily. Things are stressful, yes, but I feel like each day isn't as much as a challenge as they have been in the past. I think it's honestly because I finally have really found where I belong in the world, and not just "theatre" but "directing student", and hopefully one day, "director". God, that would be so cool.

Yeah, life is pretty effing good. =)