in retrospect, life is good.

For the past few days, things have been going really well. I've been having packed days full of fun times with really good people. I've been reading good books, playing outside, going on double dates, and just generally having a great time. It really is starting to feel like summer.

I think this is because of the people I've been surrounding myself with. I'm not dogging on my friends who do this, because I clearly love them a lot, but I had been spending a lot of time drinking and smoking earlier in the summer and just being generally irresponsible just in order to forget my problems (ie. missing caleb, missing brian, falling apart in general). But lately I've been just having a lot of really good, clean fun. And who knew? I feel a lot better.

Generally, I'm smiling. I hope you are too, friends!
School is back soon.

The Artistic Drive Conundrum.

If I have been confused about everything in my life, theatre has never come into question. I feel like it is the most beautiful, life changing art form and I have never been happier (albeit, stressed out) than when I have dedicated my entire life to it. I'm driven. I want to create, I want to be successful in my college department, I want to learn as much as humanly can.

So why does it feel like no one but other theatre people can understand that? I figure if you have some sort of passion in your life, you can get it. But it just seems to me like everyone thinks that I'm just nuts half the time, completely wasting my life away on a major that will probably not make me any money. Maybe I SHOULD have majored in business or pre-med. Maybe I should have just gone the way of most of my high school friends and tried to pick something where I can make money. I guess then I'd be more relatable and available to "hang out".

But I'm happy now. I feel like I made the right choice to do something that is making me feel a sense of real fulfillment for once in my sorry consumerist American life. And I'm GLAD I go to a competitive school where I have to slave away to accomplish things. It makes me feel like I'm prepared to work even HARDER when I get out to the real world.

I would rather spend my life waiting tables and just making ends meet and doing something that I truly feel passionate about than spend 9 to 5 in a cubicle, running coffee errands or filling out paperwork for the rest of my life.

I just wish my other friends could understand that.

in case you were interested.

Healthy Amounts of Absurdity.
for more of my daily, pointless thoughts.

restless.

Nick: I think I've got restless heart syndrome. That's why I'm a lover.
Me: I've got restless everything syndrome. That's why I'm not.

Now, while I won't talk about Nick's assessment of himself (haha), I think this conversation accurately sums up a lot about me. It was just a thought I had during that conversation, and I think it's very true. I tend to get restless. It's a constant feeling I have, not something that really goes away unless I find something very "true". And even then, I can convince myself that there is something better out there. Well, maybe better isn't the right word... maybe "different" and "new" are better words. I tend to want to run the second anything gets really serious, and I always make these weird arbitrary decisions and screw things up. I always convince myself that I want something then I all of a sudden just don't. It's the way of the world, I guess. I'm a restless soul.

I think it'll be my new adjective to describe myself - restless.