I go through phases of moping and positivity.
However, I really feel like the phase I'm in right now is one of the greatest positive "phases" I've ever felt. It feels so much more permanent too... I don't know if that makes sense. I know that I tend to be flighty with how I feel and my emotions are everywhere, but I really think I found something that puts me in a really good mood and that I really look forward to -
I freaking love working out.
Bizarre, right? For someone who spent most of their life avoiding the treadmill at all costs, I really am a little bit obsessed with running at least two miles a day now. I also really love the Skinny Bitch: Boot Camp and Skinny Bitch: Body DVDs that I got the other day on sale. PERFECT. I love working out with the Follies Girl Workout Club (which I think should be a name of a book... filled with comedic moments and touching stories about each member! I write it, yes?) and I love just feeling in general, better about myself. Maybe I haven't lost any weight (yet) but I really just feel a lot more energy and a more positive flow. I'm really going to try to start getting into meditation as well, because I need a calm, clear mind for the semester ahead of me.
A part of me really wants to join the Y... because I want to take Zumba class, haha. I know that's a little lame but it intrigues me so! I also picked up a set of weights today to use instead of soup cans while I work out.
Another change I'm making (and for the first time experiencing some form of success at..) is trying to cut back on Coca Cola. I KNOW, right?! But here is what I'm doing: I'm saying that if I have one a day, I'll be okay. Then I'm carrying water EVERYWHERE, drinking coffee with non-fat creamer in the mornings, and treating myself instead of to a coke to a Pellegrino! In fact, I have had a total of one coke in the past three days! WAY TO GO ME! =) Progress, right?
I think it's the endorphens, but I really feel a lot happier. I think that one of the best things I've ever done for myself is what I had deemed "My Summer of Self-Improvement". That was the summer when I taught myself to put on a nice outfit each day, and to take the time for the little things that I wanted to do just for myself, and I logged it into my journal each day. So here it is: My Semester of Self Improvement. We'll see how long this goes! I hope until May =)
Self Improvement Activity of the Day: Two mile run, ab section of the Skinny Bitch: Body DVD, Meditation, Delicious low-cal smoothie with Ansley and Melissa =) And onto an at-home mani-pedi!
Time to keep it positive!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
back to the grind...
Is it sad that it's only been one full week of classes and I'm already a little bit stressed out?
Probably.
I think sometimes people confuse what I mean when I say I'm stressed though - I very rarely mean it in a bad way. Personally, having things (especially theatrically related things) to do from sun up to midnight brings me a lot of reward. I sometimes complain and I definitely worry a lot, but I really do love what I do here at school.
During the past week, I had several "wrong place wrong time" moments. I'm not sure what's going on with that, but it's starting to ease up. I'm sorry if I've been a wet sock but I feel a light at the end of my (rather short) dark tunnel right now, so I'm hoping my general mental clarity will return ASAP.
So here are some of the things I've got going on right now:
1. One Acts. Hit the ground running! I'm ready to have my final decision made and start my analysis. After reading the outline, I know that I'm going to end up writing a small novel, and I really would like to get started on it, lest I actually start to become really stressed out. I'm excited about the piece that I'm more than likely going to get to do, and I am just in general pumped about the situation.
2. Working out. Crazy For You will be starting soon, which means I really need to be in shape! It's something I've been ignoring for far too long. Luckily, I have some work out buddies who are also in the show who are willing to run with me. Phew! Also, Karen and I are going to look into joining a local gym so we can take classes together. Also a plus of this: bikini season is soon, so I need to have less pudge...
3. I bought a coffee pot! Haha, this seems like a stupid thing to update about, but I really really really love coffee, so the general excitement factor of owning one makes me really happy.
I really wish my appetite would come back though. Not because I want to eat, but because I don't want people to worry about me not eating...
Probably.
I think sometimes people confuse what I mean when I say I'm stressed though - I very rarely mean it in a bad way. Personally, having things (especially theatrically related things) to do from sun up to midnight brings me a lot of reward. I sometimes complain and I definitely worry a lot, but I really do love what I do here at school.
During the past week, I had several "wrong place wrong time" moments. I'm not sure what's going on with that, but it's starting to ease up. I'm sorry if I've been a wet sock but I feel a light at the end of my (rather short) dark tunnel right now, so I'm hoping my general mental clarity will return ASAP.
So here are some of the things I've got going on right now:
1. One Acts. Hit the ground running! I'm ready to have my final decision made and start my analysis. After reading the outline, I know that I'm going to end up writing a small novel, and I really would like to get started on it, lest I actually start to become really stressed out. I'm excited about the piece that I'm more than likely going to get to do, and I am just in general pumped about the situation.
2. Working out. Crazy For You will be starting soon, which means I really need to be in shape! It's something I've been ignoring for far too long. Luckily, I have some work out buddies who are also in the show who are willing to run with me. Phew! Also, Karen and I are going to look into joining a local gym so we can take classes together. Also a plus of this: bikini season is soon, so I need to have less pudge...
3. I bought a coffee pot! Haha, this seems like a stupid thing to update about, but I really really really love coffee, so the general excitement factor of owning one makes me really happy.
I really wish my appetite would come back though. Not because I want to eat, but because I don't want people to worry about me not eating...
Friday, January 8, 2010
presentation of the evidence.
I am really weird. Here are some of the things that I think really support this theory:
1. I am really grossed out by wet paper. Like, not like I think it's moderately gross and just don't like it. It rules the way I behave at restaurants because it literally can drive me to the point of throwing up. This is weird. Just admit it.
2. As a child, I used to cry every time anyone would bring attention to the idea of kudzu. If you don't know, kudzu is the plant that was introduced to the South that grows on and suffocates trees until they die. Clearly I was a hippie child.
3. There are many textures that bother me. Not just in foods, but even seeing them or touching them freaks me out: whipped cream, silly putty, anything of that nature.
4. I'm literally terrified of the Muppet's Christmas Carol. Please do not judge me for this, it has to do with my family torturing me as a child.
5. I used to be scared of sponges. As a child, I once screamed and cried on one side of the garage because I saw one. They still kind of freak me out, texture wise. But this is one of my many bizarre fears that I'm over.
6. I twitch. Enough said.
Haha. I am sure that there is a lot more to this list, but these are the things that have come up recently. I really think I need to stop letting my fear of random ass objects rule my life...
or just accept it as eccentricity.
Love always.
and remember: "In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be DIFFERENT."
1. I am really grossed out by wet paper. Like, not like I think it's moderately gross and just don't like it. It rules the way I behave at restaurants because it literally can drive me to the point of throwing up. This is weird. Just admit it.
2. As a child, I used to cry every time anyone would bring attention to the idea of kudzu. If you don't know, kudzu is the plant that was introduced to the South that grows on and suffocates trees until they die. Clearly I was a hippie child.
3. There are many textures that bother me. Not just in foods, but even seeing them or touching them freaks me out: whipped cream, silly putty, anything of that nature.
4. I'm literally terrified of the Muppet's Christmas Carol. Please do not judge me for this, it has to do with my family torturing me as a child.
5. I used to be scared of sponges. As a child, I once screamed and cried on one side of the garage because I saw one. They still kind of freak me out, texture wise. But this is one of my many bizarre fears that I'm over.
6. I twitch. Enough said.
Haha. I am sure that there is a lot more to this list, but these are the things that have come up recently. I really think I need to stop letting my fear of random ass objects rule my life...
or just accept it as eccentricity.
Love always.
and remember: "In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be DIFFERENT."
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
a slice of life.
I'm thinking in lists a lot lately, so here is another one. Things that I am really into in life right now.
1. Air drying my hair. I really think it's a good idea, considering that I can't get it cut until mid-April! As happy as I am to be in a show, I can survive this one inconvenience of having crappy looking hair. But until then, I'm gonna try to heat style it a lot less, so the ends don't fry off!
2. Audio books. I don't know about you guys, but I did a LOT of driving over the break. From Columbus to Athens, Athens to Augusta, Augusta to Greenville, etc! Luckily, I purchased the audio books of the entire Chronicles of Narnia for my mother for Christmas and she put them on my zune! It's a really great way to pass time while driving alone for long periods of time.
3. The natural look. I really stopped wearing a lot of colorful makeup over the break. Mostly because I didn't bring much of it in an attempt to "pack light". It's funny, because growing up I always hated my face. I had acne, a big nose, etc. But over the past few years, I've come to really like my unique features. (It also helps that my skin has cleared a lot.) So mostly lately I've just been rocking a really natural "I wake up glowing" (as Paige would say) make up look - foundation mixed with moisturizer, a little bit of blush and bronzer, MAYBE some liner and then mascara and lip balm. For evenings out, of course I turn it up a little, but for now I really like the way this is working out.
4. The Tudors. Addicting.
5. Morning routines. I will just say this: There is no better way to wake up than to have a nice morning stretch, some protein (I LOVE HARD BOILED EGGS! 88 Calories each, and you're not hungry for hours! What's better than that? Carb-filled breakfasts leave you hungry around 11!), a little relaxation and a nice shower. As much as I (like all college students) love to sleep, I think it's worthwhile to wake up two hours in advance (as opposed to fifteen minutes!) so that I have time to really wake up my body. I started doing this for the second half of this past semester and it really worked wonders on how much energy I had in my morning classes - not falling asleep and feeling like I was already in the middle section of my day has really helped me pay better attention!
6. Cooking! Haha, this is a given, because I've always loved cooking. But my dad got me the Betty Crocker Cookbook for Christmas, and one of my resolutions was to cook at least three times a week this semester (in order to save money, make healthier choices, etc.) and so far, so good. But school hasn't started yet, haha. I made pad thai for myself and some chili this week! Both were delicious, and I'm pretty proud that I'm learning to make things other than jambalaya and bell peppers over noodles.
7. Being generally excited about this semester. I feel like this is the semester for everything to really come together. I'm very content being single (for now), I have some of the greatest friends, and I'm working on stuff I really want to be working on (no fluffy classes that I hate!). I'm ready to really dive into the work that I have and spend time with the people here who I love.
So that's about it. Convocation on Friday! Class on Monday! Ah, such is life.
Love always.
and remember: "Happiness is the secret to all beauty. There is no beauty that is attractive without happiness."
1. Air drying my hair. I really think it's a good idea, considering that I can't get it cut until mid-April! As happy as I am to be in a show, I can survive this one inconvenience of having crappy looking hair. But until then, I'm gonna try to heat style it a lot less, so the ends don't fry off!
2. Audio books. I don't know about you guys, but I did a LOT of driving over the break. From Columbus to Athens, Athens to Augusta, Augusta to Greenville, etc! Luckily, I purchased the audio books of the entire Chronicles of Narnia for my mother for Christmas and she put them on my zune! It's a really great way to pass time while driving alone for long periods of time.
3. The natural look. I really stopped wearing a lot of colorful makeup over the break. Mostly because I didn't bring much of it in an attempt to "pack light". It's funny, because growing up I always hated my face. I had acne, a big nose, etc. But over the past few years, I've come to really like my unique features. (It also helps that my skin has cleared a lot.) So mostly lately I've just been rocking a really natural "I wake up glowing" (as Paige would say) make up look - foundation mixed with moisturizer, a little bit of blush and bronzer, MAYBE some liner and then mascara and lip balm. For evenings out, of course I turn it up a little, but for now I really like the way this is working out.
4. The Tudors. Addicting.
5. Morning routines. I will just say this: There is no better way to wake up than to have a nice morning stretch, some protein (I LOVE HARD BOILED EGGS! 88 Calories each, and you're not hungry for hours! What's better than that? Carb-filled breakfasts leave you hungry around 11!), a little relaxation and a nice shower. As much as I (like all college students) love to sleep, I think it's worthwhile to wake up two hours in advance (as opposed to fifteen minutes!) so that I have time to really wake up my body. I started doing this for the second half of this past semester and it really worked wonders on how much energy I had in my morning classes - not falling asleep and feeling like I was already in the middle section of my day has really helped me pay better attention!
6. Cooking! Haha, this is a given, because I've always loved cooking. But my dad got me the Betty Crocker Cookbook for Christmas, and one of my resolutions was to cook at least three times a week this semester (in order to save money, make healthier choices, etc.) and so far, so good. But school hasn't started yet, haha. I made pad thai for myself and some chili this week! Both were delicious, and I'm pretty proud that I'm learning to make things other than jambalaya and bell peppers over noodles.
7. Being generally excited about this semester. I feel like this is the semester for everything to really come together. I'm very content being single (for now), I have some of the greatest friends, and I'm working on stuff I really want to be working on (no fluffy classes that I hate!). I'm ready to really dive into the work that I have and spend time with the people here who I love.
So that's about it. Convocation on Friday! Class on Monday! Ah, such is life.
Love always.
and remember: "Happiness is the secret to all beauty. There is no beauty that is attractive without happiness."
Monday, January 4, 2010
a list of random thoughts.
My grandfather and I are now facebook friends.
I really wish I had time for a real job.
Cutting plays makes me want to hurt myself. Taking any part away from the playwright seems like a sin.
I'm not ready to be stressed out again, but I'm welcoming the distraction.
Crazy for You is going to be lots of fun. But very tiring.
I find it hard to breathe when he is in the room. Baby steps, I just keep telling myself that. Baby steps.
I adore India Winslow and stress-free hang outs with her.
I really want a coffee pot. I never knew you could set them so they would make your coffee right before you got up! INCREDIBLE.
I'm sickeningly addicted to watching The Tudors.
I wish my sewing skills were better.
Last night, a beer fell out of my fridge onto my toe. Being the logical person that I am, I took this as a sign from God that I should drink what I saved from falling on the floor.
There is a really big zit on my cheek. It is in the spot I always wished I had a beauty mark. Irony? I think so.
Audio books = addicting.
Even though I heard it was no good, I still want to see the movie of The Lovely Bones, just because I loved the book so much.
I am realizing just how shy I still really am.
One of my two best friends, Laura, is moving to Columbus TODAY. Not only that but she is moving in with one of my favorite people - Paige! How perfect could that be?
Being friends with Brian again makes me happy. It's nice.
I'm really sad about a lot of the people graduating this semester.
I'm very content with my life right now. Being antisocial, single, and lazy has probably been the best thing for me.
I'm off to meet Laura's parents at her new apartment, since I have the key.
Love!
I really wish I had time for a real job.
Cutting plays makes me want to hurt myself. Taking any part away from the playwright seems like a sin.
I'm not ready to be stressed out again, but I'm welcoming the distraction.
Crazy for You is going to be lots of fun. But very tiring.
I find it hard to breathe when he is in the room. Baby steps, I just keep telling myself that. Baby steps.
I adore India Winslow and stress-free hang outs with her.
I really want a coffee pot. I never knew you could set them so they would make your coffee right before you got up! INCREDIBLE.
I'm sickeningly addicted to watching The Tudors.
I wish my sewing skills were better.
Last night, a beer fell out of my fridge onto my toe. Being the logical person that I am, I took this as a sign from God that I should drink what I saved from falling on the floor.
There is a really big zit on my cheek. It is in the spot I always wished I had a beauty mark. Irony? I think so.
Audio books = addicting.
Even though I heard it was no good, I still want to see the movie of The Lovely Bones, just because I loved the book so much.
I am realizing just how shy I still really am.
One of my two best friends, Laura, is moving to Columbus TODAY. Not only that but she is moving in with one of my favorite people - Paige! How perfect could that be?
Being friends with Brian again makes me happy. It's nice.
I'm really sad about a lot of the people graduating this semester.
I'm very content with my life right now. Being antisocial, single, and lazy has probably been the best thing for me.
I'm off to meet Laura's parents at her new apartment, since I have the key.
Love!
Friday, January 1, 2010
so this is the new year?
Let me start with this: I wish you all a glorious 2010. I like to think that the world gets better the older I get, so I am thinking my year of being twenty one will be better than my year of being twenty. Just like being twenty was better than being nineteen.
I guess it's typical to make some resolutions. So these are mine. I'm not going to say I'm going to lose weight... because that's probably not true. And the fact is, while I may not be a size 2 or weigh 110 pounds (size eight, one hundred and thirty seven thanks!), I am not unhealthy, and I don't have huge self esteem issues about it, so why waste the time feeling like shit about myself? Door closed.
But on the other hand, I'm resolved to start doing things to help out my respiratory health. In all honesty, I could be better about running/etc so that's my unrealistic (because I'll abandon it mid january when Crazy for You starts!) New Years resolution.
Next: I am not going to hook up with anyone. Sound stupid? Sound lame? It's something I've been wanting to eradicate from my life for a long time. So I'm just going to stop. It's less of a resolution and more of a lifestyle change, but that's it.
This has been my outlook for about a month and a half now but here it is: FOCUS ON SCHOOL. Never in my life have I put so much focus on dating than in the past year. Between all the stupidity, my grades have slipped in the past two semesters and I've made many more B's than I probably should have. I really need to put my thinking cap back on and realize that hopefully I will be MOVING far away (Hopefully to Chicago) in less than two years, so why should I start a serious relationship now? I don't know. I'm not saying that if the right guy comes along I'll ignore his presence, I'm only stating that I am no longer going to rely on men for my source of happiness - mostly because I find that I'm overall much more miserable when I'm not single than when I am.
More simple things: Cook three times a week, learn more about sewing, eat out for lunch WAY less, and destroy EJ Cameron.
That's all for now, folks.
Don't get me wrong, 2009 was great. And I love everyone who made it so interesting for me - but I am just ready for a fresh, more professional, more put together start to my life. Less whining, less complaining, less crying.
Let's get on that, okay? Haha.
Back to Columbus later today!
I guess it's typical to make some resolutions. So these are mine. I'm not going to say I'm going to lose weight... because that's probably not true. And the fact is, while I may not be a size 2 or weigh 110 pounds (size eight, one hundred and thirty seven thanks!), I am not unhealthy, and I don't have huge self esteem issues about it, so why waste the time feeling like shit about myself? Door closed.
But on the other hand, I'm resolved to start doing things to help out my respiratory health. In all honesty, I could be better about running/etc so that's my unrealistic (because I'll abandon it mid january when Crazy for You starts!) New Years resolution.
Next: I am not going to hook up with anyone. Sound stupid? Sound lame? It's something I've been wanting to eradicate from my life for a long time. So I'm just going to stop. It's less of a resolution and more of a lifestyle change, but that's it.
This has been my outlook for about a month and a half now but here it is: FOCUS ON SCHOOL. Never in my life have I put so much focus on dating than in the past year. Between all the stupidity, my grades have slipped in the past two semesters and I've made many more B's than I probably should have. I really need to put my thinking cap back on and realize that hopefully I will be MOVING far away (Hopefully to Chicago) in less than two years, so why should I start a serious relationship now? I don't know. I'm not saying that if the right guy comes along I'll ignore his presence, I'm only stating that I am no longer going to rely on men for my source of happiness - mostly because I find that I'm overall much more miserable when I'm not single than when I am.
More simple things: Cook three times a week, learn more about sewing, eat out for lunch WAY less, and destroy EJ Cameron.
That's all for now, folks.
Don't get me wrong, 2009 was great. And I love everyone who made it so interesting for me - but I am just ready for a fresh, more professional, more put together start to my life. Less whining, less complaining, less crying.
Let's get on that, okay? Haha.
Back to Columbus later today!
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