random thoughts for this day.

"Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything." (Charles Kuralt)

Happy Earth Day =)

Sometimes, I miss being a child. Things were less stressful then. I wasn't so concerned about my appearance. I wasn't so stressed out all the time. I just liked to play outside. Maybe someday I'll get that feeling back. But I'm starting to think the world that we as people create out of ambition and competition totally kills that spirit. And it makes me sad.

Lately, I've been very concerned with my health. A large part of it is weight loss, etc. but in general, I have an extreme desire to preserve my body as long as possible. I think it's a conclusion that you have to come to yourself and you can't be told to be healthy by as many of your health crazed friends... you have to decide to do it for yourself. I've been running most of the mornings this week, on top of dancing, eating as healthy as I can, and I feel eight thousand times better. I sleep better at night, I wake up earlier in the mornings, etc. My hope is that over the summer I can develop good habits that will last me through my lifetime.

Hm. Life continues. There's not much I can say. Things are bizarre but normal at the same time. I've learned to accept that life is never quite what you want it to be.

antsy girl.

"She was elusive. She was today. She was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow of an elf owl. We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we would try to pin her to a cork board like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew."
- Jerry Spinelli's Stargirl

Normalcy eludes me.

Life is good, as it seems. Things aren't perfect, that's for sure. But I'm starting to realize that I will never feel completely content. There will always be something that is gnawing at me, constantly begging for my attention. However, the general big picture points to a happy life for me right now. I'm not entirely stable romantically, but the happiness factor is there. So that's really all I can ask for, right? Maybe it won't last that long, but right now is good. =)

I miss Europe, speaking of. I know that's lame. But I miss the adventure of traveling I think is a better way to sum it up. I miss living out of a bag, I miss not feeling held down by the weight of my many responsibilities. I miss the romance of it all (in both senses of the term), I miss the intrigue. I miss the idea that "this will be my last moment here so I gotta remember it!" I miss the adventure, yeah. If money were flowing steadily I would go back. Or somewhere else. I need something new. I'm tired of staring at the One Arsenal Place courtyard, of eating at the Market on Broadway, of the same conversation over and over with twelve different people.

On the other hand, it's nice to accomplish things. Have a long lasting impression on people. Even if professors still spell my name with a "y" instead of an "i", they know who I am and know I work hard. Sometimes though, the wanderlust takes control.

I'm just antsy, I guess is what I'm getting to. Nothing is wrong, in fact, most things are going right right now. I'm doing well in school, my social life is fine, etc. But the antsiness has settled in. Mostly because I am both dreading and looking forward to the next few months.

The summer is coming. While I may not fulfill my wanderlust, I will get the time to relax, do rejuvenating self-building things, and maybe get a little sleep and have a little mindless fun, visit my parents, etc.

I'm just going to miss certain people.

But in the end, life is good. Strange, but good.

I just said, "dude, your perspective on life sucks."

Hm. Life seems to be more tiring than I thought it would be post-Crazy For You. However, I haven't got much to complain about.

I finally got a chance to clean my room, and discovered that I've literally been swimming in dirty laundry for about a month now. It's much more cozy and work-easy now. Thankfully! Haha, plus, my wonderous roommate, Mandi, cleaned the kitchen and bathroom so now the apartment seems much fresher.

I'm working on choreography for extravaganza right now. (Well, taking a break to blog) But I feel so much more artistic freedom with this. Maybe it's because I got to choose my dancers. Maybe it's because I am just feeling less pressured because it's just a project for me. Either way, it's really nice.

I like this boy too. I mean, he makes me smile. And I kind of love that I don't see him every day. It's so much easier to spend time with him when we both legitimately have the time instead of trying to fit it in every spare second that we have. It's refreshing to be pseudo-dating someone who has the same perspective on that. He's weird, but hey. So am I.

Hm. Maybe it's just me, but the up-coming summer has brought me a real sense of peace. Yay!
I just can't wait to start getting paid.
=)

Love and tap shoes and cinnamon coffee and losing six pounds.

the way you changed my life..

Crazy for You is over. Officially. Wow. What a run! Although stressful, it was a really great time! We sold out every show and played to standing ovations as well as happy audiences. Sure, it was a rough rehearsal period, but the show pulled through and I ended up having a great time (and losing somewhere between five and seven pounds...)

It was so nice to see my family this weekend. I forget how much I miss them until I'm faced with the idea of being around them again. It's like "WAIT! Come back! I want you to be here more!!" But life has to continue.

I came to the sad realization this morning though (while thinking of how I might actually miss the show..) that school will be ending soon, and a certain someone will be moving pretty far away from me. While I feel like he is making the right choice for himself I can't help but know that I will miss him. I know I'll be fine, I always am, but really? I want more than anything to stop leading my normal life.

I want something extraordinary.

Take that whatever way you please.
Love and feather headdresses and sequins and tap shoes.