antsy girl.

"She was elusive. She was today. She was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow of an elf owl. We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we would try to pin her to a cork board like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew."
- Jerry Spinelli's Stargirl

Normalcy eludes me.

Life is good, as it seems. Things aren't perfect, that's for sure. But I'm starting to realize that I will never feel completely content. There will always be something that is gnawing at me, constantly begging for my attention. However, the general big picture points to a happy life for me right now. I'm not entirely stable romantically, but the happiness factor is there. So that's really all I can ask for, right? Maybe it won't last that long, but right now is good. =)

I miss Europe, speaking of. I know that's lame. But I miss the adventure of traveling I think is a better way to sum it up. I miss living out of a bag, I miss not feeling held down by the weight of my many responsibilities. I miss the romance of it all (in both senses of the term), I miss the intrigue. I miss the idea that "this will be my last moment here so I gotta remember it!" I miss the adventure, yeah. If money were flowing steadily I would go back. Or somewhere else. I need something new. I'm tired of staring at the One Arsenal Place courtyard, of eating at the Market on Broadway, of the same conversation over and over with twelve different people.

On the other hand, it's nice to accomplish things. Have a long lasting impression on people. Even if professors still spell my name with a "y" instead of an "i", they know who I am and know I work hard. Sometimes though, the wanderlust takes control.

I'm just antsy, I guess is what I'm getting to. Nothing is wrong, in fact, most things are going right right now. I'm doing well in school, my social life is fine, etc. But the antsiness has settled in. Mostly because I am both dreading and looking forward to the next few months.

The summer is coming. While I may not fulfill my wanderlust, I will get the time to relax, do rejuvenating self-building things, and maybe get a little sleep and have a little mindless fun, visit my parents, etc.

I'm just going to miss certain people.

But in the end, life is good. Strange, but good.