if only in my dreams <3

oh, it's the holiday season!

I feel like I haven't updated in awhile - so here's a few thoughts:

1. It's the Christmas season - MY FAVORITE. In all reality, I always view Christmas as this magical sparkling time of the year where people are nicer, the songs are prettier, and you can eat as many baked goods as you like as long as they have red and green sprinkles on them... perfect.
2. I am missing him so very much right now. A part of me wants to beat myself up for ruining our friendship, but the other part of me regrets nothing. I have no idea how to feel around him - because in all rights, it's better this way. But at the same time, I hate the idea of him with anyone else, and I hate that I miss him so much. It drives me to make snide comments to him, which I hate even more about myself. In general, I just want to fast forward to that part where I don't have any more feelings for him.
3. I'm twenty one now! Hooray! Life has been bizarre since then - going in and out of bars, etc. Strange!
4. I feel that one of the people who I thought was one of my really good friends has betrayed me by spreading really cruel lies about me. I'm not sure how to confront them though, because I have no proof that it was them, just my intuition. My plan - turn the other cheek. I'm pretty sure that's what the powers that be would want me to do, so it's what I'm planning on.
5. I can't wait to be home with my family for the holiday. It's weird, but I really need to feel that safety for awhile. While I adore my friends here, I'm starting to feel the seismic pressure of our social circle crumbling. So I'm just ready to free myself.
6. The Lovely Bones is an amazing book. Read it.
7. The Potluck was really fun, but I really miss my traditional Christmas Party. But on the other hand, stuffing! MMM.

In general, life is good. Sometimes little things nag at me, but I love the work I'm doing here and I love that I'm really starting to believe in myself lately. My main focus from now on is going to be this: THEATRE and ART. And I'm going to (forgive the reference) hold out for a hero. I'm tired of trying to make things work with people who aren't right for me. I'm tired of ruining friendships, so until someone comes along who changes my mind - it's me and my art.
Well, that's my healthy mentality for now.
Love!
Happy Christmas!