the caterpillar.

So while waiting to check out at Barnes and Noble today, I aimlessly glanced towards a tower that was covered in "inspirational" magnets. Being a total sap and as always, one for quotations, I read over them while waiting, most of which I had seen before.

However, my eyes landed on one I hadn't. It was an anonymous quotation that went something like this: "and just when the caterpillar thought the world was over - it became a butterfly."

And while I usually dismiss these quotations for general fluff that describes giant life ideals, I found myself really relating to this little magnet.

I have always thought it was the end of the world.

I remember when I was fifteen and I found out Jason was gay - the world was over. But no - it wasn't. I just kept going and life kept going on. And when I would never make senior company jazz - the world was OVER, for sure this time. But it wasn't. And I still love dancing as much as I ever did. And when I was eighteen, and I felt the sting of a real heartbreak and a real hurt for the first time, I cried on the floor in my childhood home and the world had to have ended in that moment several different times - but it didn't. And when I was twenty and I didn't want to get out of bed, because I didn't want to live in the world without him - the world must have ended. And when I realized that I had lost one of my best friends - that must have been the end.

But it wasn't. Ironically, I am single. I am what other people would call "alone" in this world - but I am strangely more happy than I have ever been. Maybe it's the magic of being home. Maybe I'm just finally finding my own footing, maybe I won't be "damaged goods" anymore. Who knows?

But really - who cares? I'm happy.

So I am the caterpillar. And maybe I don't have a boyfriend. And maybe I've put on a few pounds in the last two weeks. And maybe I am always broke. And maybe I'm stressed - but I'm so very happy with my friends, my craft, my work, and everything that I love in life.

that oh shit - I think I'm the butterfly.
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love.