I am not a stranger to the rain.

shoulder to the wind, I'll turn my face into the spray

and when the heavens open - let the drops fall where they may.

I wish it would rain.

Lately, I've been really down. I can't say in specifics why - but basically because I've stopped feeling like a person lately and more like an object that people around me are constantly using and abusing. I feel like I continually get dragged into problems that are not my own.  It's frustrating that people think that I'm some crazy immature person who wants to contribute to their problems - it's frustrating that people want to use me. But I will not let it get me down.

It's really not new to me. I'm used to being used. How sad is that? I've had so many friends who have used me for a million different things - but I'm not going to let myself down. I will stand strong and I will believe what I believe. I will not succumb to the peer pressure to feel like crap about things.

I need to wash this all away - I need time to take away this weight off my shoulders.

I am so grateful for my art, some days. It has helped me through so much that I don't think I would have been able to get through on my own.

Here's what I keep reminding myself: Forgiveness and Kindness will get me through the day. Understanding will help me to not feel hurt. One day, the load will lighten, and I won't think of these things with tears in my eyes again.

I wake up every morning just a little bit better. I don't really miss you anymore. It's nice.

In other news - Janine and I went and looked at a house we really liked earlier. I'm so excited for the rest of my life. I am ready to jump into it, to feel happy again, to be open to love, to trust without looking back, to create real art, to be me again. I'm so ready for it. It's happening now. I can feel it.

(and yes, I know the song is totally about Yonah from the Bible but it really fits the way I feel about life right now.)

I am not a stranger to the rain. Let it rain.