I've been questioning everything lately. I want to figure out what I want out of life, but I just can't seem to make a sound decision anymore. I'm not complaining - merely stating that I feel like I'm at a fork in my road of life and that this is a BIG fork, not a little one that will bring me right back to the regular path I was always on. This fork - my friends, is a life changing fork.
I'm divided by two passions - dance and theatre. I know they're ridiculously similar, and I KNOW that I want to continue my study of theatre here at CSU in the BFA track - so it's not like I'm even contemplating changing my major or transfering (I honestly can't imagine life away from CSU right now) but I am contemplating what I want AFTER college - after I've learned as much as I can from CSU. Do I want to keep studying? Do I want to act? Do I want to try my hands at choreography? I don't even know. I feel like this conundrum is what's been keeping me down lately - well, not really down, just really thoughtful. I've been thoughtful lately, I guess is the right way of putting it.
Other things that I've been thoughtful about - obviously, relationships. It's like, I realize that my life is pretty sweet without one. I'm a horrible girlfriend in that I don't call you every night, I (for the most part) will want time away from you to be with my friends, and I am just altogether weird and don't feel like explaining my strange actions all the time. But then there's that nagging other hand that's like - what if I really AM alone my whole life? what if I'm just not the girlfriend type? Which, all those statements above seem to point to the answer to that question being - no, you're definitely NOT the girlfriend type. And my life isn't exactly debilitated by not having a boyfriend (specifically one person, but you know, we can't always get what we want), but then I see stupid couples and I'm like "UGHHH WHYY MEEE". I can't even explain to you what a conundrum that whole "lonely but feircely independant" situation is.
I guess you could say that I'm waiting for my life to fall into place. I'm not upset, I'm just thinking a lot lately. I feel like there is just something right out of my reach and I can't see it yet, so I can't make a sound decision. Sometimes I feel like I'm so stuck in this little bubble world that I live in that I can't even see all the other options in my life.
Speaking of the bubble - we got out of it yesterday! Yes, for the first time in my entire life I went to Six Flags! haha, I know it sounds like a lame thing to be really excited about but I had never been and it was really ludicrously fun. I love all the people we went with (no drama? WOW. that's a new one), and just in general - I really love roller coasters. The Goliath! OMFG hahahaha. Amazing! Seriously, we rode it three times, and once we rode the very front. The initial drop was terrifyingly fun from the very front though, not gonna lie. Haha, hands up - whole time - front row - hells yeah! I can't even really begin to describe to you how exhaustingly fun and wonderful yesterday was. It was like - eight billion decisions and things that were bogging me down (see above?) just disappeared for awhile and we just had fun.
In short, I am the most indecisive person alive, but at least I'm a good, happy, fun person.
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